finally took a bath to try to soothe my nerves. read bleak house and remembered why I love Charles Dickens so very much. breathe in, breathe out. I don’t think I should get drunk tonight. at school id drink all the time when I felt like shit and it went great because I felt empty and it coaxed emotion, thoughts, connections out of me… now I feel like shit cause of an abundance of feelings and I think im noticing that drinking while being sad lately just makes me a typical weepy drunk sad person. guess I wont drink tonight. the upside? I have emotions again

while im talking about cute things benn does

once like a month ago we were talking on the phone, and I said good night and so did he and tried to hang up but my phone was spazzing and it didn’t let me. like ten or fifteen seconds later I heard benn be like “jenni?” and I was like “holy fuck you’re still on the phone????” and he was all quiet and I was like “why didn’t you hang up?” and he told me that he never hangs up until I do, ever, every time, in case I say something or whatever

literally months of never knowing this and I never would have known for who knows how long lol

every time im on the phone with benn and my mom walks by or I interact with her benn yells LLYYYYYYYYYNNNNNNNNN (my moms name) super loudly and its the cutest thing in the world, tied with everything else hes ever done

ps ive been posting so much about benn lately cause a few days back he told me it was ok if I posted about him so here I am making up for lost time when I didn’t make 99% of my text posts about him

I seriously have shit taste. I love the kardashians, the Miami marlins are my baseball team, and im sitting here listening to Fun.

I was telling benn how Im craaazzzyy anxious that I told my mom about him and I was like “Im gonna need some serious love and comforting tonight” and he said “I was planning on that anyways :)”

Literally he is the cutest thing in the world

My mom thought it was a great bonding moment (even though I refused to tell her almost anything about him haha) and she kept telling me about her boyfriends in college and how they were ‘so cute’ and ‘so sweet’ and ‘did all these cute things’ and I was dying haha I just wanted to be like “BENN IS BETTER” and run out cause im a dork that’s in love

Good things about today: bought a beautiful Ray Bradbury book with his hand-picked favorite 100 short stories

Bad things about today: nothing

Questionable things about today: told my mom barest details about Benn—who, up till tonight, has been an absolute secret